A deliberation on giving the freedom to children to express their gender identity, in Vizion Plus
This and other sensible and difficult issues to be understood about the LGBT community, because of the lack of information, were part of the discussion in the “Ora 5pm” in Vizion Plus, today in the afternoon.
Hosted from Anila Cela, in this show were invited the Prof. Agim Muça, Alba Gjikolli, psychologist and the activists Xheni Karaj and Kristi Pinderi.
The host initially asked the guests if it is appropriate that this community openly declares its sexual orientation.
Xheni Karaj believes that such a process is really important and she advices the community not to rush into making this sort of steps. “I advice the community to make safe and unhurried steps, especially in the family taking in consideration in every moment the socioeconomic conditions”.
“They should make this only when they are sure, even though the society might never be ready”, said the director of Alliance Against Discrimination.
Pinderi, on the other side added that the process of coming out makes you happier, makes you feel safer and a better person, but since it is a complex process, it can be healthy only if the individuals pass it in an internalized way and they get ready by themselves to declare it. They should not do it as a consequence of pressures from the society.
Ms.Anila Cela asked Prof.Muca if the Albanian society is ready to accept such declarations and he responded; “I do not believe that it’s ready, but it should be done”. He added that coming out in itself it is a big social valor and people usually do not do it because they fear a mentality that generally doesn’t accept so easily the tendencies of the urban development.
“Personally”, the professor said, “I would not allow myself denying to other people their fundamental rights”.
Author of a study dealing with the LGBT community in Albania, the psychologist Gjikolli was asked if the community develops a double personality in the Albanian society. She responded “No! I would say that they get used living a double life, but they do not live with a double personality”.
The debate was accompanied by the sincere confession of two youngsters, Geri and Tereza who made the discussion more challenging in the moment when gender roles where brought up.
- “Do parents have responsibilities towards their children and should they orient their children in the sense of a traditional behavior of a boy behaving like a boy and a girl behaving as such”, asked the host of the show. Prof. Muça responded that they should not. According to him “...the society for thousands of years imposes to people certain gender roles but it is a mistake not to acknowledge to children the right to be who they want to be or the ones that they really are. Even though this is really difficult”.
In order to arose a debate the moderator added; “So you are saying that they should be free to take the direction for which they feel for?”
“Of course”, the professor answered, “they should be left free to choose the side where they feel better”.
Also the psychologist present in the debate was against the idea of parents imposing to their children a certain sexual orientation or gender role.
“We should not forget”, added at that moment Prof. Muça, “those parents generally never agree with a lot of personal other choices of their children”.
Xheni Karaj was of the opinion that the best role that parents can adopt for their children is the one which makes it easier to make themselves aware. “We should understand, that the members of this community are born and raised in heterosexual families from heterosexual parents, that is why this is not a choice, but a natural part of our being”. “If it would be a personal choice”, she added, “Nobody would make it because nobody wants to suffer as a gay does in a society like ours”.
Pinderi, the director of Pro LGBT organization added that the best role of a parent would be the one of a father in Great Britain, when his 5 year old boy wanted to wear dresses and for this reason he was ridiculed from his peers and from the semi-rural community of the small city. But the father, in an act of courage, love and citizenship dressed a dress and took his boy walled hand by hand in the streets of the small city where they lived and he made him feel safe, boosted his self esteem and showed him love in order to make his child not to feel alone.
The rest of the debate was focused in the future of this community. The two youngsters, Geri and Tereza, who confessed their story in an interview made in the ambiance of Pink Embassy, said that they did not feel the need or desire to have children. Prof. Muça said that “declarations like this should not be taken on presumptive bases”. Karaj and Pinderi interfered to clarify that the true and sincere confessions of the two young members of the LGBT community, are not necessarily a generalization that should be made for the whole community. “A lesbian couple around the thirties, really close friends of me and Kristi are sincerely thinking about having a kid”, Karaj said. According to her, the expectation and the needs of the community change with their age. “Despite the fact that such debates are still a taboo for Albania”, Xheni added.